between the broken places

Archive for May, 2009

Yes, Bipolar Chick, Bipolar Disorder does Exist!

My version of “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus”
I was awake, what else was I going to do? Enjoy…

DEAR DOCTOR: I am 44 years old.
“Some of my ‘normal’ friends say there is no Bipolar Disorder.
“Mom says, ‘If you have a 296-DSM code it must be so.’
“Please tell me the truth; does Bipolar Disorder exist?

Bipolar Chick – Eradicating Shame, Blame and Toxic Niceness
North Carolina

Dear Bipolar Chick, your friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age or struck blind by the stigma surrounding mental illness. They do not believe except [what] they see or feel. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, BC (May I call you BC?), whether an adult’s or child’s, are little. In this great universe of ours we are a mere speck as compared with the boundless world about us, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, BC, Bipolar Disorder does exist. It exists as certainly as the wild spending of ever-increasing credit card debt and thoughts of grandiosity and sleepless nights exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest of highs and lowest of lows. Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Bipolar Disorder. It would be as dreary as if there were no Bipolar Chicks. There would be no need for the 296 DSM codes, no poetry of depression, no romantic manic memories to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light and darkness with which Bipolar Disorder fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Bipolar Disorder! You might as well not believe in cigarette addiction! You might get your friends to watch you everyday waiting for a mood swing, but even if they did not witness a mood swing, what would that prove? Not everyone would recognize a mood swing, but that is no sign that there is no Bipolar Disorder. The most real things in the world are those that people can not see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn (not during an manic episode)? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders that are unseen and unseeable in the world.

No Bipolar Disorder! Thank the Gods! It exists (it explains so many things), and so does treatment. In the not too distant future, Bipolar Chick, you and others like you will come together to fight this good fight. You will rally the troops, march on Capital Hill and demand the world take notice and you will be triumphant.

The world will begin to understand, to sympathize (in a non-condescending, toxic niceness manner) and they will see that Bipolar Disorder is no stranger than Diabetes or Cancer and they will forget their fear and fight for more research and medical intervention.

And someday, Bipolar Chick, you may no longer have to fight to eradicate shame, blame and toxic niceness…someday, we (working together) may eradicate the stigma of mental illness all together.

Stuck in the mud…a rambling

I’m having a problem blogging. I’m not sure anyone will want to read about my ups and downs with bipolar disorder but I do have things to say about it. I’ve been home; stuck in the mud; going to the doctors; and trying to regain a sense of normalcy for two months. I love to work, so two months is a long time for me to be home. My head hurts all the time and I haven’t been sleeping but I think the increase of anti-depressant and the addition of a mood stabilizer is finally having an effect. I’m scheduled to return to work on July 1st. Problem is: work caused this depression episode in the first place. Ugh. If I go back it has to be in a different job but I don’t think they have anything open so then what? I don’t want to have to quit but I can’t even drive by the building without feeling uptight. You know the definition of crazy: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I’m too old for this crap. I thought I had this under control and yet the one thing I’ve learned about life is that we can manage outside forces but control them…ha! I hate when I feel this way. It’s so counter productive. Like I said…stuck in the mud…it gets you no where. Uh oh…starting to get visual disturbances…freaky flashes of iridescent waves, this usually means a migraine is not too far behind. Great I could really use that! Just piling on the crap. Ahhhh!

Sometimes technology sucks! My thoughts on texting etiquette.

Last week a family member sent me a text message to tell me that my Grandfather had died. This was not unexpected news but OMG!!! I’m in the middle of a Bipolar Depression (not a secret) and this is how I’m told about the loss of a grandparent?? By a close family member?? Geez.

To everyone out there that knows and cares about someone with Bipolar Disorder, please make a note to self…Do NOT text the aforementioned type of information. It’s disturbing, unsettling and anger inducing. I ended up yelling at the relative, who shall remain nameless-she knows who she is, during a time that no one should be yelling at anyone.

The loss of a loved one is one of the most common triggers for Bipolar Depression. Hopefully, I’ve clearly demonstrated to my family the reasons not to text this kind of information in the future.

Live and Learn,
BipolarChick

Hello world!

Whooo Hooo here I am and there you are…so let the blogging begin! Ok, it’ll begin soon. I’ll be running around all week and will do my best to get in here but I wanted to say HI!