Diagnosis ~ Still Me ~ You're Next
Deb Johnson, CPC
Author/Speaker/Bipolar Chick
Copyright 2010 Deborah Johnson, Bipolar Chick 2 the Rescue. All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Statement, Medical Disclaimer & Copyright Statement

Christmas with the kids...spent their entire visit in bed with the flu.  Very Merry and very Diva
like as everyone gathered around my bed to open presents.

December 30th - unexplained bleeding...lots and lots of bleeding and home alone.  What's
happening? Was I dying?

Rushed to the hospital via ambulance, we found out the worst news I could imagine -
Miscarriage.  I hadn't even known I was pregnant.

January 2000
Told that my body could no longer maintain a pregnancy due to my other illnesses and the
medications they required, the Black Dog began to howl again.  High Blood Pressure, Diabetes,
and Bipolar Disorder ended my dream of having a baby with my soul mate.  I was informed
that a tubal ligation was the best way for me to prevent any future pregnancies.  I was
disturbed and disgusted with my body for failing me.  I knew this was my fault...I was to blame.

March 2000
We commenced with the tubal ligation.  I did not want to have this done.  The feeling was
similar to being raped, which I have been so I know what I'm talking about.  I willed myself to
die on the table, that would show them all! (whoever, they were???)

June 2000
While visiting my daughters an argument broke out between my ex-sister-in-law and me.  It
was ugly and done in front of my eldest Chicklet...who would be angry with me for this for a
long time to come.  I began to think that the "crazy girl" was rearing her head and returning to
New Jersey was not a sane thing for me to do.  However, a dance recital was in just two weeks
and I promised to attend.  Two days before we were to leave for NJ, stomach pains -unlike
anything I had felt before-sent me to the hospital.  My gall bladder was hot and needed to be
removed.  When they got me on the table, my infected gall bladder ruptured and I almost
fulfilled my death wish.

It had been a long 13 months!

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